Thursday, May 3, 2012

Bagaimana Akhirnya Saya Bertudung - A review

I just finished reading this book. A colleague of mine planned to give it to me way before I started wearing, but I guess she did not have the courage. Hehe. So, she gave me afterwards, with lotssss of beautiful tudung; in fact most of the tudung that I owned now (I don't have many) was a present from her. May Allah SWT bless her.

So, back to the book. I have to be honest, it was just ok. I guess I was expecting more, considering the title is so Wow. It was a compilation of stories from those who decided to wear hijab. Honestly I could not really relate to as it was about those people who wore hijab on the 70's where the acceptance was very different from nowadays.

Now, the ones that holding you back is not the people around you. It's you yourself!

Sigh.. I started to have the idea of wearing hijab wayy back in Uni. I guess it was my first year. A very good friend of mine, who was sitting next to me in high school suddenly asked me in a casual way when we were on the phone, "So when are you planning to wear a hijab?"

That was random. And very direct. Especially coming from him, he was not the most religious person I know, even more, we once planned to go clubbing together.

"I don't know!" Did not even bother to take his words seriously until he replied me with this sentence,

"You know, you have to set time, and set yourself towards it. It doesn't matter if it's years from now, just set a time."

I was stunned. So I told mysef, "Ok perhaps after I got married." And I worked my way through it. Started not buying short sleeves, started to not shop for earrings. Never told a single soul about it, too shy, not even my better half.

Thennn.. I got married. But I guess I overthink about what would people say about it. So, I ignored the guilty conscience inside.

You know, the day I started working was a big turning point of my life. The first couple of months I worked, I had no friends. I started working before I finished my final exam, so you know.. no one in my batch started working at that time. Hence no friends.

Afterwards, people from my batch started to work with me and walla, I have friends!!!

But, the moment they came, I already stayed in a lab full with my seniors who were wearing tudung labuh. Every Zuhur and Asar, we would pray together, after Asar we would recite Ma'thurat together, and I was so contented that it made me excited to go to work everyday. I never experienced that kind of feeling before.

I used to be so scared of these kind of people, but the ones in my lab never judge me. Not once. Not ever. I don't even have to pretend to be that good in front of them, I am myself and they accepted ME.

I was touched. And these people were brilliant. They succeeded in their career. And even they spoke really good English. Haha! Ok, I was being judgemental towards these kinda people before, ok bad!

So, when friends who were as crazy as me started working, I had two options; whether to stay with them or with the seniors. I liked them equally much, but I guess because my mind was set towards wearing hijab, I stayed with my seniors. I need the courage.

Very subtly, the little things that these seniors do melted my heart. Andd.. these past few years have been such awesome years for me. I was the first in my batch to get a Master degree, I got married with the love of my life, then we bought a house, money was more than sufficient for us, afterwards I got pregnant, and gave birth to the love of my life. And I gave birth so easily, (Alhamdulillah! Alhamdulillah!), that I thought, "Have I been thankful enough?"

 I told hubby and my two seniors; Dr. Sumayy and Dr. Iza. The three of them supported my decision and helped me a lot.

I had no idea what to tell my family, so I just wore hijab without telling them anything. Anddd afterwards.. Nobody asked anything anyway. No awkward stare, NOTHING. Not from friends, not from relatives, not from family. The most, they just whispered in my ears, "Alhamdulillah!"

And I thought, what was that again? Years of years contemplating on wearing just because wondering what to answer if people asked.

Semuanya dipermudahkan, Alhamdulillah.

I wouldn't say I'm a whole different saint person nowadays. Pretty much the same. Trying to be a good Muslim. Sometimes not sure if I try hard enough. But in life, we need to always change, to a better person.

I'm not saying I'm satisfied with the way I dress now, or the way I behave as a Muslim. But, I'm still trying to change. Very slowly. Baby steps. I know Allah SWT will help me through it. Insya Allah.

I would like to thank these three people who supported my decision; Love, Dr. Sumay and Dr. Iza --> May Allah SWT bless you guys :)

1 comment:

Fatin Fairuz said...

aku pun baru gak pakai tudung ikeen =)..alhamdulillah tok kite semua ..moge dipermudahkan dlm usaha nak jadi better person =)