Wednesday, March 26, 2014

The prophetic child disciplining talk - A review

I was a little emotionally disturbed early last week. Little Girl was at a phase where she found it cool to actually hit people. Although she never hit me, Love was her favourite victim,  followed by my two brothers.

The phase started a few weeks ago. I tried giving her "time out". Nope. Not working for my baby. She became more rebellious.

Love tried to scare her by placing her near our neighbour's dog. She rebelled.

Tried to slow talk to her every night. Works for a while. And then the phase began again.

The cause of her doing that was simple for me; she only hit those who spent less time with her. So the reason is simple: SHE WANTED ATTENTION.

My theory was proven since lately Love started to come home on time and she stopped hitting him altogether.

Still, I need to discipline her. I couldn't tell my brother to spend more time with her because they're still single and they have their own life. As for Khaira, this has to stop.

Boy, was I glad when I stumbled upon this poster..

Love was very supportive, so to cut the story short, around 8am on Saturday, we're already in Masjid Putra amazed with the beauty of the interior design of the mosque. Khaira was still in deep sleep, so I spent some quality time with BFF Sumayyah and his little hero.

The talk by Syeikh Tariq began with the basic parenting, so I would just focus my sharing today with the disciplining part.

How do we discipline?
  1. Lead by example: Simple as this, action is louder than words. You can't be saying, "I can do this because I'm your mom. But you cannot do this!" This will create confusion for them.
  2. Always be positive: We already know by now to say positive things to them rather than negative. Like, "Khaira please walk" rather than "Khaira don't run". But also Syeikh Tariq stressed on the importance of encouraging rather than instructing. For example, rather than saying "Musa, go read your book". It is better for us to say, "Musa, isn't it time for you to read your book?"
  3. Discipline is meant to teach and nurture: Set this in mind so you can control your emotion towards your children
  4. Gentle
  5. Consistent: Be consistent, everytime they do something that needs disciplining, discipline them. No exception.
  6. Removing temptations: If you know that your child doesn't want to perform solat because they love watching cartoon during that hour, make sure you switched off the TV at that hour first before asking them to perform solat.
  7. Reasonable: Be reasonable. If their mistakes are still syariah compliance, don't punish them that badly.
  8. Don't leave physical or mental marks: Even if they are at the age where it is allowed for you to hit them, don't leave any scars. And watch your words, make sure it won't leave mental marks for them.
10 things to avoid during disciplining
  1. Cursing
  2. Compare: Especially among siblings. Don't ever say to them that their sibling is better than them because of bla.. bla.. bla.. That will not only create jealousy among them, but also unhealthy competition between the siblings
  3. Conditional love: "I'll love you if you get good grades" Then they will think if they don't excel, you don't love them.
  4. Incorrect info: "Why are you crying? Men don't cry" Then, they will think they are not normal because they are a boy and they cry.
  5. Humiliate them
  6. Mocking
  7. Threatening: "If you keep on running around, I won't give you any lollipop" Sounds familiar?
  8. Saying no and not explaining why
  9. Making doa against them
  10. Exposing their faults and secrets: They need to be assured that they can rely on you.
How do we deal with ourselves?

Most of the time, the children are just being children. They run around, shout, hop, climb and if your child is like mine, she started to do all this at 10 at night when you're already tired and ready to bed. We call this her "hyper time".

So how to deal with yourselves. The tiredness might just make you do unnecessary things you might regret the next day. For me, I am happy I can deal with myself better as she gets older.
  1. Turn to Allah: Doa helps me a lot to deal with Lil K and it rises my patience to another level.
  2. Educate ourselves: Hence, the talk I attended.
  3. Reduce the stress and tension in our lives: If works are stressful enough, I usually just go on the phone with my friends on the way back and talk about a totally unrelated stuff. And if I am still not okay, I would go to my room first once I arrived home and do my relaxation technique whatever I learned from my hypnotizing or better still.. I recite some Quran before I go downstairs to play with her.
  4. Adopt a healthy lifestyle: Exercise!! It makes me happy afterwards.

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