Ok, so you're popular..

At times facebook can be depressing.

Like the aftermath of Pilihanraya made me leave the country with no Internet connection, found total bliss.

And these couple of days my news feed is flooded with a "diva" as what he called himself and a restaurant near my in law's house called Menate. Story went like this.. This diva asked which place to go for a steak. And a girl suggested this "Menate" restaurant. He thought the girl insulted him by calling him "menate" as in binatang/animal. And condemned the girl with words that for me the worst I read in my entire life. When he was being explained what she meant, being a sore loser, started to say that the place is not his level. He only ate at Chili's and Nando's (which by the way not even a steak house and not even in Menate's level). Even came out with a viral video condemning that place when pointed out that the chef used to cook for the Queen of England. 

Merepek ok.

Reminded me of a story that I believe I should clarify.

Not long ago, my university invited a famous actress to give a talk to our uni. Title nya, "From zero to hero." Which we all did not understand the relevance. Did not agree as well.

The day came, and this beautiful actress did not turn up. Which we did not bother pun sebab she was being replaced by a very wonderful speaker instead.

The next day, she went hysterical via facebook and instagram blaming our university that she did not at all agree to be part of the whole event. She never made aware of it and basically tarnish our name with her childish status.

The following day, her PA later apologized, saying that the communication breakdown was on their part. The actress deleted all her status. Never apologized. And later after the PA's status became crazy with the netizens anger, the PA just deleted the status as well just like that.

Merepek ok.

Celebrities.. you are not God, for God's sake. We don't expect you to know everything. Menate is a small restaurant, we don't expect you to know. Our uni's invitation might be insignificant compared to your super hectic schedule, we understand. 

It's ok to do mistakes.

All you need to do is admit them and move on. 

The world is round you know. You can at least have my respect. But rather you chose me to boycott your tudung product. Hehe..

K.. post emo dah banyak kali nak tulis, only now tak tahan sgt. Sorry for the emo post guys!

It is still a sad thing..

Was browsing through Facebook, and randomly watched a video that makes me cry.. so badly, never in my life I cried this bad watching a video/movie before.

I cried again the next day.

And the following day.

And cried today just as I typed this.

It's about a social study done in NY, where a man asked for a slice of Pizza from strangers for hours; none gave him. Until a homeless guy shared his with him.

I shared the video and thought of putting "the saddest video I've ever watched" as the caption in Facebook, but I bet some absent minded followers (followers, not friends because my friends would never do this) would comment things like, "Palestinians died everyday, that's the saddest thing".

Of course it's sad. Those things. I've never watched the video or picture because it's too hard to bear. But that doesn't make this video any less sad.

Click here to redirect to the video

"Why did you cry?" Love asked, slightly puzzled with my overreaction.

It's because all reasons. How could you still eat your Pizza knowing a hungry stranger asked you for a slice of yours; just a slice of yours, God knows how many days he hasn't been eating. And the fact that a homeless guy of all people would share his. And the homeless guy cried in the end. I can't even..

"It's happening all around us, Sayang," Love tried to console me. Accurately, Love thought he was consoling me.

I mean, when? When is this a normal thing. Last time I checked, my friends were all normal people, not even twice they think of sparing some cash for some strangers that came over our lunch table every now and then. I can forgive people not sparing cash, but food? Come on, you treat cats and dogs better than this.

"You're blessed to be surrounded by beautiful people then. Either that or you choose to block those things that you don't intend to see around you," He thought he was consoling me again.

I have to agree. Beautiful people, yes. And blocking things I dislike are also what I did best. Ignorance.. is still a pure bliss for me, sorry. Hence, I don't mind you calling me ignorant. I am. That's where I found peace in this nonsense world.

"Let me tell you a story.." He began. Of a story how back then when we finished SPM, he dropped by to Strudels and spent all his cash to buy a cake for me. I mean, ALL his cash. Only to realize, he didn't have any to spare for his parking ticket. For his one ringgit parking ticket that now became the obstacle for him to see me. He just wanted to get out of the parking. Numb. The value of one ringgit at that time meant more than the RM100 he spent to buy me the cake.

"Umm.. which part of your story meant to console me again?" I asked, puzzled. Though I kind of get what he meant. The value of RM5 to us compared to a homeless person like in the video. Encouraging me to give more.

"Let me tell you another story.." He began again. On a story of how he asked our little girl on what would she do if there's a hungry stranger came to her. "Do you know what Khaira said? Nothing I did to influence her on her answer. This came from her herself."

"What?" I asked.

He called Khaira and the reply of a small child, totally innocent and obviously has more common sense than the adults in the video..

"I would feed her!" She replied in all excitement.

That makes my day. And I should just stopped crying. But I didn't.

Procrastinating

At this very moment, I have my marking to do, some thesis to be read, presentation slides for my conference in October and of course my PhD and some final stuff to settle for my holiday to Langkawi.

"Ay ay so much work to do. Never mind, can do later, work can never finish, let's blog first. I have been abandoning my blog for a while!"

Ah ha! That's procrastinating already!!

Procrastinating has been like a drug to us, we know it's bad and yet oh my god how addictive and convenient.

I once heard someone say, "If you want to make an easy job seem mighty hard, just keep putting off doing it." And that was when I knew I had to change.

"Nah, I'm gonna do this after a little facebook." And while browsing your Facebook, you found out that your friend just got engaged. Called her up for a while to congratulate.

"Well, how often do a friend got engaged." Since you guys haven't been catching up for quite some times, you talked for about half an hour.

 "How often do I call her anyway?" Then, when it's time to start doing your work, you'd feel you should have a toilet break for a while. Then met your friend, go for a tea break.

Trying to start doing your work again, boss gave another job. And then that was it, that was when it was 5pm, you should be packing but you're just about to start your actual work.

How fun is procrastinating, right?

I have an easy punishment to myself. Every day, I would use my sticky notes, writing what I should do for the day, if I couldn't manage to get it done by that day, I would stay in the office until I can finish it. Go back late = very little time for Khaira = not happy = cranky Khaira = sleepless night = full of regrets.

Usually works, my motivation is of course my little ones.

However, some other suggestions that work for me:

1. I believe in "Blink". A little planning = good. A lot of planning = equally good. Stop thinking too much, just start/decide whatever you want and usually, insya Allah the ideas flow like a waterfall.
2. If the task is hard and you feel like holding it until you have the mood, then just starts doing it. The more you push it away, the less mood you'll have.

3. Just start, even though you are 5 minutes away before lunch time. At least you get some basic idea on what you should do.

4. “Do the hard jobs first. The easy jobs will take care of themselves.” - Dale Carnegie

5. Stop procrastinating with the simplest thing. When you wake up in the morning, snooze for 5 minutes, that's procrastinating already. If you can eliminate all the small things, the big one will be just a piece of cake.

Let us all aim for a quality lifestyle.

Baby steps insya Allah.

Guys are so confusing..

The following conversations with my BFF..

Him: I don't feel like dating Malaysian girls anymore.
Me: Huh? Why?
Him: I don't know what their focus on at this age. (He always talks mysteriously, like that.. pfftt..)
Me: Meaning?
Him: You know, at this age, their focus is on wedding and marriage.
Me: Of course, dude, we're gonna be 27 this year.
Him: Yup, and they're so desperate to get married that everytime they meet someone new, they keep hoping to get proposed. They don't care whether that guy has the same chemistry with them or not, or whether he's really the one or not. They just glad that someone is willing to marry them. Just because they're 27.
Me: (T_T)!

...
But, as always when you said "you don't", you're aways gonna do things the other way around. A couple of days after the above conversation took place, he dated a Malaysian's girl.

Me: So, how was it?
Him: She's fun, but the dance check*, it didn't happen.
Me: What's with you and the dance check? Are you Ted Mosby or something?
Him: Yes, I'm Ted!
Me: No..oooo!! The dance check should happen on the second date. Not, on the first date. I personally think, it's an insult to a guy if we offer to pay on the first date, shouldn't we suppose to let you guys boost your ego first?
Him: Really?
Me: Urm.. yeah! Remember what Ted said to Robin when he fell for Becky. "You don't make me feel needed!"

And they said girls are confusing!!

Tell you what, if I ask a guy on what they really want in life, 70% chance that they will say they want A when in actual fact they want B. Oh, come on.. they even have a hard time deciding on what to eat! (Though I found it extremely adorable when my better half called me up and asked me to help him decide on what to eat when in actual fact I know he already knows what to eat).

Guys, they are so confusing like that!

*Dance check = when both of you are offering (or pretending to offer) the bills after your meal.

Unexpected

Sometimes it takes the most unexpected person to nudge us with a sledgehammer after we ignore all the signs.

And for me, that unexpected person happens to come in front of my eyes out of nowhere today.

A sign from the above I believe. Alhamdulillah. I've had enough strength to go on for at least until this evening. :)

Who's paying?

I guess the most awkward moment on the first date/the first purchase after married is determining who's paying for that purchase.

Maybe not everyone seems to be particular about the matter. But, I did.

Does it make me materiallistic? You judge.

The first date is important for me to analyze a guy. And, as a gentleman, I think the guy should pay for the first date. The dates after, I prefer to take turns on paying.

Personally, I hate 'dutch'. For me it's either I'm paying or you're paying. And for me, 'dutch' seems like you're ignoring the concept of sharing from the very beginning.

As a woman, I love it when a man pampers me with gifts; just as much as I love pampering my man with gifts.

Does it make me materiallistic? Again, it is very subjective.

See, I come in a family where my dad surprises my mom with gifts every now and then when he's afford to do so. And vice versa. In our home, he has this principle of "Don't ask for something and don't wait until you're being asked." So everyone does what they should do, and everyone would be happy.

I found a man who is just like that.

The first year of our relationship, Love showered me with soft toys every monthsary.

Some people might think part of the reason I fell in love with him was because he pampered me that much.

But I fell in love with him because I saw the man that he was going to be. A very responsible husband in many aspects especially financially.

My prediction becomes true, Alhamdulillah.

And when you find a man like that, you no longer need him to splurge on you that much to show you he cares. You earn your own money by then after all. But being a gentleman, he'd still do that, anyway.

So my advise to women who are looking for serious relationship at this age, if he's not paying for the first date, MOVE ON! If you can't see the effort at the beginning of the relationship, what makes you think he puts an effort after you get married?

Just my 2 cents :)

Have you tried talking to her?

This was part of my conversation with my BFF after what seemed like the longest time since we talked to each other.

Me: So, how's your relationship with your gf?
Him: Macam biaselaaa.. Not looking good.
Me: Ahh.. Don't think about it much, things are gonna get better.
Him: I don't think so. See.. (The conversation went on about some general issues with the gf whom I never even met, so tak dapat nak judge).
Me: So, you're gonna give up just like that?
Him: It's happening too many times already, Ikeen!
Me: Have you tried talking to her?
Him: Urm.. Not really..

ADOI!

I'm not saying that I'm an expert in a relationship or I'm a Dr. Love like that, but I just wanna talk about what everybody knows already by now - how important communication is in the relationship. To remind my own self as well.

I don't believe that when you meet your better half, you can click just like that.

Relationship needs effort.. and time.

You have to make a mistake to know that it is a mistake. And for you to know that it is a mistake, you need a mirror a.k.a your better half. The task of a partner is to honestly tell you, this is something wrong with you, I don't like it, do something about it.

And you might not follow 100% what your partner said (else you'll be losing yourself), but somehow with A LOT of effort, and of course time, you guys will meet half way.

Love needs a lot of toleration.

And love is a life-long learning process altogether.

I've been together with my husband for almost a decade now and still discovering new things about him every now and then.

Still merajuk and memujuk every now and then, and have gazillions fun along the way.

For you to have your partner communicates with you, you must be ready to listen.. and of course understand.

One thing I've learned in the relationship is that if you cannot handle the harsh truth, don't ask! Accepting what your partner tells you would be sufficient at the moment.

Walking away without communicating is simply harsh..

But then again, if your better half walks away from you it just means one thing..

The partner doesn't love you that much to work it out.

And love is one thing that we could never force.

For that, I am thankful for the people I loved and the people that love me :) Alhamdulillah.

The human manuals

Sometimes I wish there are specific subjects about human beings during my undergraduate/postgraduate.

Or, sometimes I wish each and every individuals I met came with a manual so that I know how to deal with them without cracking my brain.

Teaching engineering is a challenge, yup. But dealing with different kind of students from different part of the world is even more challenging for me.

You always need to check back with your expectations and boundaries.

But rather than obsessing about your own expactations or boundaries, I've learned that other people have their own expectations and boundaries themselves.

What some people might consider as unusual might just be a mundane to another people.

So I've learned that we cannot be too rigid with the expectations.

Then, the BIG question appeared, how much to give in before you start to lose yourself?

What is the fuzzy percentage (gile, i'm sounding geek) grey area between ok and not ok?

How I sometimes wish there is an answer for that question.

But life has no shortcut.

You have to learn the theory, then practice it in actual life to validate your theory and do a post mortem afterwards. You might need to fine tune here and there along the way. Macam buat research..

And I guess that is the reason why life just seems more and more interesting each passing day. Hhmmm..

I don't "try" things

I don't "try" things..

I DO things (with Allah's will)..

With me, it's either you make it or break it :)

Contagious

Been down with flu these past few days. I don't know from where I got it from, don't really trust that flu is contagious, anyway. The reason why I don't shy away from sick people.

But, I do believe emotions are contagious.

When your best friend cried over the phone telling something sad happening to her, you couldn't help having tears in your eyes at the other end.

When your husband came home looking all tired and you greeted him in front of the porch with a big smile, he couldn't resist smiling back at you and that's the trick when you have a not so good news to break to him afterwards anyway.

Emotions are so contagious that you can even feel it when you read a story from someone who is highly emotional when he/she was writing the story.

If the emotions are of happy ones, memang sgt best. Kind of reminding me of Myra and FJoe. The energy they have with their chirpy voices just light up my day.

But, if the emotions are soooooo the exact of positive, the feeling is also the exact of positive. The total exact of happy and energetic.

Kind of what I've been dragged into.

In that case, I'd rather caught another flu. Rather than having this contagious opposite of positive emotions.

Plus, I've just realized having flu is not that bad. Doctor said it might be a sign of something, doakan ok ;p

Opportunities - Entry emo

Not the best day of my life..

You know in life we have so many needs?

Ok, at least I have so many needs. The needs of finishing my PhD, of having fun with my husband in every corner of the world, of having a big home with my kids running around, of having a red mini cooper, and the list goes on.

Sometimes we pray and pray hard for some things to happen in our life. And once, someone asked me, "When that opportunity comes, how do we know that it is meant for us?"

I paused. And looked back.

I've always wanted to be a lecturer. Once, before I finished my Bachelor Degree, I overheard my classmates talking about this particular lecturer who were looking for a Research Assistant. I immediately went to see the lecturer, and she was there, she interviewed me immediately, and I started working with her even before I finished my Bachelor. And now, she is the one that brought me here, my supervisor, my guidance through my Master, and currently my boss and my supervisor for PhD. The one I really looked up to. The one that gave me my dream job. I'm sure everyone has encountered such situation.

Anyway, in one of our sentimental moment, I messaged her, "Thank you, Puan for taking me in the first time I saw you. It means the world to me."

And her reply for me, "You're worth to be brought in here to begin with. You asked for it, you get it and you deliver.. the best that you could."

How sweet is that woman, kan? That's why I love her a lot.

Well, anyway, my point is not that. Point is, a lot of us asked. But once that opportunity is in front of us, can we actually deliver? (Reminder to self, also.)

Stop with all the excuse. Like my dad always said, "If you keep on finding solutions you'll find it, if you keep on finding excuses, you'll find a lot of that too."

Sangat sangat marah when people use the kind of excuse, "Takpelah, nak buat mcm mana, takde rezeki.."

OMG!! Please! You're not the one who decides whether ada rezeki ke tak. It's Allah SWT that should decide. Takde rezeki means, you work hard for it day and night, but if you still didn't get it, it's ok, Allah SWT has a way better plan for you. Takde rezeki means something like my flight to Bandung, I wanted to go there badly, then due to volcanic ash takde, so I redha. If you don't work for it, mcm mana you boleh kata takde rezeki?

This is so disappointing.

People can't keep pushing and pushing you to the top. I sangat sangat sangat disappointed, I nearly cried.

And I cried because I love you. A lot.

Bandung? Urm..

In two months time, we are going for our second honeymoon in Bandung. Paid for the flight ticket and hotel already.

Am i psyched?

Currently, considering the situation now, NO!

Love and I are doing great. Bandung is still a fun place to visit. The hot spring, the Tangkuban Perahu, the candi, the cheap spas and the shopping were still exciting.

But this, made it soooo not appealing.

Pics from here.

Not that I'm scared.

But rather furious!

Seriously, not funny!

Why are they constantly looking at our slightest mistake (if it is even a mistake at the first place)? Can they just let go? They're definitely not perfect by the way. But we let it go for the sake of "serumpun" and "sebangsa". And now, they wanted to talk about "bangsa".

I know it doesn't apply to all Indonesian. I truly understand.

But, subconciously, I stopped giving stuff to Indonesian cleaner in the office. And stopped buying stuff from an Indonesian booth near my house and stopped wanting an Indonesian maid. I'm looking for a Malay maid now, though the pay is higher since she won't stay with us.

As for now, it's worth it.

And if I have to burn that RM900 I paid for my flight ticket and hotel to Bandung, and save the thousands Ringgit Malaysia I am going to spend from shopping in that country,

well.. it's all worth it.

The least I could do for my country..

Are u in love or are u in love with the memories?

People change. It's a fact.

I used to love 911 (the boyband) a lot. My fav song is 'The day we find love'.

Then as I got older, i didn't listen to boybands anymore. Boybands were so childish. The song were so jiwang. And I started to listen to Hip Hop. I was all obsessed about Eminem.

After a while, he got overrated. So, I started to fall in love with rock band like Greenday and Smashing Pumpkins. Then the music industry evolved again. Now it is more to disco or club music that i can't bear to listen to. So i stayed with 90's music which i found more pleasing to my ears.

People change.

Although i don't listen to current boyband's songs anymore, at times i still tune in some songs from 911 or boyzone although to be honest i don't really like the music anymore.

But why?

I guess somehow the memories of that song were so strong that it tricked ur mind to like it. u don't like that song, u just love the memory it reminded u.

Sometimes i wonder, am i in love. I am a big girl now. I look forward for different things, u know? Cute look of the boyband's lead singer doesn't seem to be appealing anymore. Alter-ego of a person doesn't seem to impress me anymore.

I want something deep like 'Viva La Vida'. Good music, excellent lyrics, deeper.. way deeper than it seems. But it seems like i can't let go of the past. It feels like the boyband is a part of me somehow. All the memories i had, so I wonder do i still like their music or do i just like the memories of their music.

I want different things. But the memories still linger and I got confused more than ever.

And the worst thing is.. it's not about music at all :( If it is, i could just play my greenday album and listen to it till i'm tired of it, which i'm sure i never will...

What are you complaining for?

I've had a friend who's been complaining about how complicated her love life is. But just when she found someone nice, she thought he was dull and left him for another bad boy to make her life even more complicated. And too many times before, when lepaking with my friends that I heard, "OMG! this noodle is too salty!!!!" And kept complaining but kept eating at the same time.

How ironic that is? But come on, I often do that myself. In an evening like this, I would be yelling out loud to my officemates, "Kak, laparnyeeee.." and kept complaining. But didn't even bother to buy food downstairs. Why? The answer is simple..

L.A.Z.Y

Lazy to turn something small to something big for us. And the laziness caused us to completely ignore everything. To tolerate. Ignoring the fact that I'm hungry. Tolerating the fact that she can never be satisfied with any guy she ended up with. Or even worse, convincing oneself that, "i'm not going to die by eating the salty noodles."

But one thing I'm glad that I choose to ignore my laziness is by doing the police report regarding Mr. Psycho.

My life has never been better after that. No more jumping out at the sound of my message tone. No need to change my hp number. And life is back to normal; only more blissful when I started to sit back and appreciate life.

See sometimes, u just have to do one tiny little thing, REACT. Who knows by complaining to the waitress that ur food is too salty, she'll do better cooking next time and in a realllllyyyy long run, she'll get more customers coming in.

I just think if you start to tolerate the thing that u think is small, then eventually u'll adapt urself to tolerate to something bigger. If u don't bother to do anything about it, u shouldn't bother be complaining either. I'm not intending to tolerate on people messing up with other people's privacy, or relationship. So by doing the police report, I'm telling myself that I really can't take people messing up with me. And I won't tolerate this kind of thing in the future.

There goes. I'm proud of myself because the report is more than just a paper. :)

Undecided

What is ur bad habit?

My youngest brother has the funniest habit of all when he was little, he kept foods inside his mouth for hours like a monkey. It's funny but i thought it was cute. And as for me, I used to love biting my nails a lot.

But, I'm nail-biting free now. Why? Cuz my nails became ugly, plus it was disgusting and what more we called it as a bad habit, so logically thinking, why should i continue right?

But after having half of my lifetime biting my nails, I can say that it's not an easy thing to forget. When I was nervous, I fought the urgency of putting my now-beautiful finger inside my mouth. Again and again. Sometimes I failed, at times i succeed. But before I can remember, I have totally forgotten that I had such silly habit once upon a time ago.

To achieve something, we often have to sacrifice something. Especially if the thing that we need to sacrifice is totally unworthy and not to mention again.. disgusting.

The same goes with relationship. Sometimes, we knew that it's getting so lame like an old habit, but we refused to leave it.

Why? The answer is simple..

We are too comfortable of what we're having right now.

At least, I am.

Our very own boundaries.

I love my privacy, full stop.

I don't like people entering or cleaning my room without acknowledging me first. Not that I have anything fabulous inside, but that small 10 years old piece of paper is more valuable than.. well.. the most expensive top or bottom inside my wardrobe. And that faded small gold pendant in my drawer is WAAYYY more valuable than the bangle I bought using my 3 months worth of savings from my salary. Cuz that pendant is the pendant I wore when I was 6 months old, and that piece of paper is a piece of paper from some unrequited crush I used to have before.

But other people will look at it as just another garbage. I don't really keen to explain the sentimental value of some old movie ticket that u can no longer read what written on it anymore, and that is why I'd choose rather not to explain it.. and that is one of the reason why I LOVE my privacy.

Sometimes, I think I have an issue with this privacy thingy. The other day, I went mad when one of the undergrad student just simply took a thesis on my desk without asking for my permission first. So, I yelled at him on the phone without any second thought. Half an hour later, I felt a pang of guilt surrounding me.

But lately, I have discovered that everyone has their own boundaries.. even the sweetest ppl on planet earth. Some stuff that is ok for me might not be ok with u. And when I saw that sweet warning on my whiteboard this morning, I felt normal and relaxed; but yet aware to learn about other ppl's boundaries in times.