Things I havete to say goodbye to..

Things I hate to say goodbye to once I'm pregnant..

1. Heels

Goodbye comfortable Primavera shoes, my fav. gift from BFF Maria. Goodbye Nine West. I live in Scholl nowadays. Feel. So. Old.

2. Push ups.

I have been living with push ups and only push ups since my undergraduate years. Now nothing seems more uncomfortable than the underwire and thick padding everytime I feel like throwing up. Feel. Even. Older.

3. Maggi, 100plus and pineapple.

Sob.. Sob.. Though, I accidentally had another pineapple a couple of days ago during Fatih's bday party.

4. Ice water.



I bring thermos everywhere nowadays.

5. Flavored milk

Organic milk is so not yummy

Seems like pregnancy takes more sacrifices that what I thought

On the other note, I'm 2 months today!

*Pics frm google

Do's and dont's for final year project

I took an EL today. Why?

I can come up with many reasons.

First, because of my morning sickness. Yes, I might had it worse than some people, but it is starting to go away, so Alhamdulillah.

Or I can say because of my braces. I just had them tightened yesterday, so I couldn't find the best soft food to eat in the cafeteria here. Ended up eating so little yesterday and hence morning sickness got worse. I need mum's porridge.

Or I can also say because of the air condition in my room. It was 18 degrees celcius yesterday. (T_T)

All the stated reasons above are what I called as lame excuses.

The truth is I'm actually running away..

It's a couple of days before final year project (FYP)'s presentation, I've had 5 students under my supervision, some of them I've almost forgotten existed suddenly appeared anywhere I go.

Outside my door, in my lab, even my phone has not stopped ringing these days. I don't have consultation hours for my students, I am happy to help them anytime they want, but some just abused the time I gave by knocking on my door during lunch hour or after office hours, tak boleh buat appointment ke?

Ok, emo. No, I'm not here to whine. I'm here to talk about attitudes.

Personally for me, FYP is where you have a solid training in managing your own project when you work later on.

And what we supervisors want to see during your FYP is the CHANGES in not only your technical knowledge, but also your attitude.

Whether or not your project is succesful, is just the icing on the cake. What matters is that you have learned something by yourself. You study, you design, you troubleshoot, and you analyze.

A lot of times students got confused with the task of supervisor. Our task is to SUPERVISE, or guide. Not lecture. Not telling you step by step on what to do. That is what you did in class. And in order for us to guide, you have to come see us every now and then. Not during the very last minute, no. FYP DOES NOT WORK LAST MINUTE! Unless if Allah SWT says so.

Imagine us as your boss, you can't go and ask your boss the very basic question of all. Then, it becomes her project, not yours.

And then troubleshooting. You think you can spend 3 days on your project and expect everything to turn out right? You know the simplest thing with hardware is design, the longest time to spend is on the troubleshooting. Same goes to coding. If you expect you can get your project done in a week, that is what we called as mini project.

I designed my Master's algorithm in less than a week. I had the idea perfectly sketched in my note book. The hardest part has got to be troubleshooting. Has got to be verifying whether or not your coding is working. That took me half the time I did for my Master.

And you might think the best supervisor you ever have is the one that gives you the aswer straight away.

That is the easiest thing a supervisor can do actually. "Ok, I give you the answer now, stop bugging me!"

The hardest thing to do is to say, "These are all the tools you need, now you can start your sleepless nights and find the answer. Contact me if only necessary," and walk away.

And hence the reason why I took an EL today.

Where does your relationship bring you?

I'm glad I have been through the stage of where my relationship would bring me.

But just a couple of years back, I was having a hard time thinking of that haunting question. Of course if I knew I would end up marrying a guy I've been in love with for the past 9 years, I would just relax, but none of us know what the future holds for us, and that's the challenge.

A few years back, I met FJoe via my best friend. We moved into the same condo where we rented for a year during our second year degree. Both of us were in a relationship where we had a lot of uncertainties.

*Pics in our old condo, Palm Garden
Sometimes, in a relationship, you sacrificed a lot. Your time, your money, your feelings, part of yourself even. And you wonder what do you get in return.

Lucky for me, I ended up gaining everything I sacrificed for. The tears, the miserable nights all have been paid for and all that I have FJoe to thank for. During the hardest night, she would never ever let me go to sleep alone in my room, we ended up sharing the small single bed almost every night. During the time she thought I should have my pride, she would hide my handphone so that I would never embarassed myself and swallow my pride. During the boring weekend, she would take me to places and make me forget about the uncertain relationship I have.

She was the best break up doctor I ever had in my life.

No, that is not the best part!!

The best part is that, she's always happy for me when things get better, though I know really deep inside, she thought I deserved better.

But that's what friends are for. You support each other though you don't always agree on each other's decision.

Well, the story has not finished yet. As I said, lucky for me things paid off for me.

But it worked the other way around for FJoe. For years, I've been wondering, why on earth would Allah SWT met these two people I love wholeheartedly together if they were not meant for each other.

And now, I finally got the answers.

1) FJoe met someone more compatible with her and she lived happily ever after.
2) If she haven't met her ex, I would have never been introduced to such beautiful soul as this.. Who would take a day off, and come all the way from PJ to Bangi to meet me upon hearing my pregnancy news..


And yes, my best friend who introduced me to FJoe is what some people called as her 'ex', but I called him as a 'connector' to connect us together.

The moral of the story is that, sometimes you might think if the relationship is not working, you've wasted everything. But think again.. You actually gained a lot more than what you lose. Because the simple explanation on losing something is that, it is not meant for you.

"Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you.. Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out.." Alanis Morissette - Ironic

My very early signs...

Thank you for all the kind words and wishes, I'm deeply touched :)

If you've been an avid reader, you might know that Love and I planned to just have the time for ourselves until April this year. But November came, and out of nowhere he decided to have one. Took me some times before I was ready, then with the advice of friends, I took acid folic immediately. Twice a week, because I'm a bit conventional, I'm scared of the side effects.

Came February, I fell sick. Caught one of the worst flu which made me feel totally helpless and whiny. About a week before I got my period (I am clock work, so I know when my period is going to be), I had a major tummy cramp. And emotionally wreck.

How bad?

I remember one Friday, Love came home and I was laughing and giggling and then he went to the toilet for 5 minutes, when he came back I was in tears. He asked why and I answered, "I feel sick, I feel tired and we've been trying for 3 months and I feel like my period is going to come in two days time and I wonder what is wrong with me.."

He cried with me. And it had been a looonggggg saddddd night for both of us.

Sunday came. And we were busy painting and cleaning the room and suddenly I fell in the bathroom. I felt even worse since I had pineapple twice that week. Mom cooked ikan tiga rasa and masak lemak nenas, so I thought takpelah, "if at first you don't suceed, you can dust it off and try again" (Aaliyah's Try Again).

I was supposed to get my period that Sunday and it never came. Last Monday I started the countdown. Wait for 6 days at least, I told myself. That whole week I had these early symptoms (in order):

1) Tummy cramp very similar to period pain.
2) Very emotional.
3) Lower back pain.
4) Pain in my urm.. you know, top.
5) Sleep a lot, I got so tired after work.
6) A lot of pimples, ugh!
7) Having hard time to sleep at night. It was either too cold or too hot.
8) Some white discharge like the one you had after your period.
9) And after 4 days late I started to feel nausea.

I bought the pregnancy test last Tuesday, but I managed to wait and only try it last Saturday. I could not sleep that Friday, too scared to see the result. I woke up at 3am, stayed until 6.20am, and woke Love up and then we got double line almost immediately..



Went to clinic, Dr. refused to check again because she said no such thing as false positive. So annoying! Went to hospital and the Dr. double checked and gave us some advice.. and yes, I'm 5 weeks now. Alhamdulillah.

If there are things I've learned from my pregnancy story is that, no matter what happens to you, termakan nenas ke, terjatuh ke, if Allah SWT says it's the time, then it will be your time. Kun faya kun (Be and it is). Don't blame yourself too hard. Cuma of course, must be extra careful after this. Thank you for all the prayers, they are beyond repayment.

And I am the happiest mom-to-be in planet earth! What is morning sickness compared to the most amazing gift I shall received in 8 months time. Alhamdulillah :)

Something major

Ok, IQ test for the day.

I've changed something major in my blog recently.

Guess what it is?

If you guess the layout, you might want to think again.

25th Feb

♥ \(♥ _ ♥)/ ♥

Dear Allah, grant me the strength for tomorrow! Whether it's going to make me or break me, it's for the best :)

24th Feb

\(^_^)/

What is this feeling?

I couldn't sleep, I couldn't focus, I couldn't wait :)

The best is yet to come, Insya Allah.