Monday, July 11, 2016

A wise man on a raya night

My Raya morning started off gloomy.

Then, I realized.. Alhamdulillah.. both my girls are healthy, so do my hubs and both our families. I am grateful for everything.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitry everyone. May Allah SWT accept our fast, prayers and all our ibadah. Please do forgive me for all my wrong doings, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

This year was my first to spend my first raya at my parents'. Normally would be in in-laws' (Ampang) the whole raya week since most of my aunts and uncles would be away, so I would just stay near late Grandmom's place at Kg Pandan just in case.

Also, this year was my first sleep over at Kuala Selangor, my other late Grandmom's house since I basically have nobody to take care of in Kg Pandan anymore.



Wouldn't it just last year you called me up, Mak, when I was in Kuala Selangor, asking if I would come back for the night, a reassurance that we will always be there for you?

Ahhh.. where do I in turn get the reassurance this year.. I miss you Mak.

Sad stories aside, I met a wonderful man that Raya night. One worth sharing with my readers.

13 years ago, an MD of Perodua made friend with my husband whom was working at O'Briens Cafe after SPM. He obviously did not have to, but being humble as he sincerely is, he did anyway (I'm far from MD, I wonder if I ever make friends with a waiter who serves me). And they remained very good friend ever since.

Well, he's retired now, after being a COO at Naza Kia. And he lives our dream life definitely. Now he rents an apartment in Tokyo; his most favorite city and would be back and forth from KL to Tokyo. You can tell that he's having one wonderful family around him. A very humble house and cars. A dream life, simply to put it.

Sometimes, when Love and I were so hectic with our work to earn a decent income for our family, we seldom asked ourselves, when will this stop? Both of us always try our best to be the best in everything, we have achieved so much so young but with one downside of course, we always need more time with the girls, with each other.

I mean, we saw one Datuk at 50 still needs to work to sustain his lifestyle, when will this end? Bigger income, but bigger house, bigger cars, and endless work like this still?



"One day, I gave an Omega watch to every employee I have in Perodua," the man in the picture with Love told us that night. "Everybody was happy.."

Of course, they should.

"Until they found out I gave one person a Rolex," this man answered our question so wisely as he already is.

We smiled. Such a strong analogy, this one :)

Dream family, dream life. Soon, inshaa Allah.

May Allah SWT grants us happiness always with whatever that we already have. May we have a humble life in shaa Allah.

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Fragile

I broke down before my class this morning.

And after.

Then, I pissed off with everything.

I should have bought a flight ticket and fly somewhere far away for Raya. To make it worst, it will be such a long holiday break this time around.

I barely made it to Ramadhan without my Grandmom, and God knows how I'm gonna get through it for Raya.

Raya songs have never annoyed me this much, I have managed to get away from them all the time so far.

I haven't fully open myself up about Grandmom to anyone since she passed away, not even to husband as it makes me feel so fragile. 

Maybe talking about it makes it feel so surreal? I don't know.

All I know is that, I really REALLY need to get away from here for Raya.

Back to square one, I'm regressing. Started to think if I'll ever move on :(

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

My view on vaccination

So, I received quite a number of questions via WA or FB asking me whether I vaccinate my girls. Perhaps due to the fact that I am pro on natural birth and quite an organic junkie myself (so hippie).

The answer is yes, I have fully vaccinated both of my girls; all in the wajib list and am considering on doing pneumococcal as their additional vaccination.

Why I vaccinated them is simply because I haven't studied the pros and cons of vaccination, I am not well informed of them, so I opt for the norm.

A friend I knew through a homeschooling group recently asked, "If you trust in modern medications, ie. vaccinations, why did you do natural births then?"

Reason is, I studied a great deal on natural birth before I opted for it. I went to gentle birth classes, which was an eye opener. Read lots of books. Asked lots of experienced people. Of course, that doesn't make me a doctor, I mean a medical doctor. So, I sat down with my gynae and had a long discussion on my case. If you read my story on first birth, you knew how many time I changed gynae until I found one at a very last minutes, two weeks before I gave birth. Who agreed with my terms and conditions and advised me accordingly.

She gave me almost all of the things I wanted on my birthing list. In return, Allah SWT gave her what she wanted from me as well, a healthy low risk pregnant mummy. The gynae was so cool that for my second child, I gave birth in my baju rumah so leisurely. And even added that she suggested me to do homebirth for third baby where she will be sending an MO over.

My point is, we call somebody an expert for a reason. So, with mutual understanding, both of you will get what you want. Doctors are not monsters. They are moms just like us.

When Khaira had frequent cough last time and was always on antibiotics, I came clean to the paed if there's an alternative way I can go about without frequent consumption of antibiotics. I followed her advised and until now, Alhamdulillah Khaira recovered from cough without cough meds and antibiotics anymore, except one time when we got back from oversea. The paed prescribed a cough med and antibiotics after a year and I asked, "Is there any way I could avoid these? Will there be any side effects?"

And I hold on to what the dear paed told me, "It's a drug, of course mild side effects are probable. But, in this case, we have to weigh which one is more important: a mild probable side effect but high possibility that she'll get better or a high probability she'll get worse and no probability of mild side effect."

That clears the air enough for me. I trusted her judgement, because she is an expert in the matter way better than I am.

So, what's my view on those who did not vaccinate their kids?

It's your choice, really. Everyone wants to be the best mother to their child.

When I chose Khaira's previous kindy, I spent months looking for the best kindy because I only want what's best for my daughter. But, if you read my story before, you'd realize the irony: what I thought was best for her, really was not for her, perhaps the worst.

So, sometimes, what you thought is best for your kids, might not be the best for them.

I read that some refused to vaccinate their kids due to eczema. I have lived my entire life with eczema, I have no fingerprints due to that (Imagine my banking and travelling hassle), I used to wake up sneezing every morning until noon, the worst acne ugh!, and even nearly had blood transfusion due to antibiotics intolerant (I have recovered from my eczema after going organic and years of homeopathy treatment), trust me I thank my parents everyday for vaccinating me, because again the weighing down: I'd rather have my eczema, Alhamdulillah.

Then, there's an autism issue, which I dare not touch because like I said, I'm not an expert in the matter. But always come to the paed's point on weighing down the possibility.

If you have studied really thoroughly (I mean from classes, of course I don't trust Internet that much) and discussed with your gynae, if your baby really have intolerant towards vaccination, then who am I to judge? I hope by vaccinating my kids, yours will get the herd immunity.

But, I am having difficulties in understanding those who did not vaccinate their kids because "ikut sunnah", and these vaccinations are "agenda Yahudi". Amboi, sedapnya accusation, sekali fitnah nanti.

When I went to Umrah last time, I was supposed to have my menses a couple of days before I went there (wrong timing, unstable cycle due to breastfeeding), so I asked the Ustaz whether I should take a pill. I saw lots of doa to postpone your menses, can I depend just on them.

And the Ustaz said something that I will hold on into, "In Islam, we are thought to Usaha fist, then Tawakkal comes in".

Took the pill, and doa. All come from Allah swt, not the pills, but of course Allah SWT sees our usaha, even it is smaller than zahrah kan.

That is my thought on vaccination as well.

"Agenda Yahudi" is something lame for me. When I was in gentle birthing communities, some minor voices mentioned about the so called "Agenda Yahudi" as well. But, who knew if it's the other way around.

When people are so obsessed into something, they sometimes failed to look at it as a whole. Then, happen lotus birth and consumption of umbilical cord in Muslim. And claiming methods and meds from doctors are "agenda Yahudi".

Pening.

Oh, on my pills consumption story, after taking the pills, the probable side effects as mentioned by the doctor happened to me in Makkah, I had some spotting for couple of days which made me could not enter the Masjidil Haraam. Boy, was I sad? Let's put it this way, those times I could not enter Masjidil Haraam were the saddest days of my entire life, really. I cried until I got sick. The spotting stopped once I stopped consuming the pills.

Did I regret taking it?

I redha beacuse it is my Qadha' and Qadr.

So, for those who did not vaccinate their kids, if you are aware of the risks and okay with them, again I am in no position to judge you. So far, my friends yang tak vaccinate their kids pon have healthy kids, I trust juga Allah swt pelihara all the hamba yang have unshaken faith and always doa for their kids.

Jangan jadi lalang, follow without in depth knowledge. Ini yang buat orang marah.

Mutual agreement, agree to disagree. No need bashing in FB ok?

Monday, June 20, 2016

Mak..

I finally have a dream about my late Grandmother last night. It was in the month of Ramadhan, I hope she came and visit. I hope she received all my doa for her.

In my dream, I was as usual entertaining Mak. She was on a boat, on a river. So was Datuk. I took my boat and pulled Mak to the land. Then, I did that for others and fell asleep.

I was then being awaken by somebody. "Mak sakit!" she said. I realized, it has been too long since I woke up, scared by the thoughts that my Grandmother was sick at her home. Way too long, I miss her.

I quickly grabbed her medicine, she had a heart attack. And quickly recovered after she took her meds.

Then, in my dream, Mak said something she always told me when she was alive..

"Bila kakak takde, mak sakit.."

And with that, I woke up just before Subuh. Couldn't fall back to sleep.

God knows how much I miss her.

Sunday, June 19, 2016

Updates on homeschooling the girls

Salam Ramadhan everyoneee!!

When I said homeschooling, don't get me wrong, I still send K and will send A to school. It's just that I treat the school as a place where Khaira revises what she first learned at home, not the other way around.

I haven't been updating their progress for quite a while, so here goes..

K is now in her 22nd Surah, As-Shams. In the morning, when I sent her to school, she would memorize 5 long surahs or 6 short surahs so that by Friday, she would be done revising all the 21 surahs she has memorized.

Starting from early this year, I gave her a page of revision book to be done in the evening. Either Malay, English, Math or Science, just to practice for her Standard 1 later on, that took her around 10 minutes max to get it done.

After Maghrib, I would teach her mengaji while she would memorize 1 ayat from the surah, then do 10 lines story book reading with her. According to days, I would either do English reading, spelling or math with her.

At the moment, no learning at all on weekends, I shall start next year.

Picnic at Grandmom's

I am honestly quite nervous for 2018, where K will be in Standard 1. The tahfiz school I intended to send Khaira earlier is changing her syllabus, no longer following government's. So, I'm looking for another school for her, which made me quite restless.

On top of that, HAVE YOU SEEN WHAT THEY TAUGHT IN PRIMARY SCHOOL NOWADAYS?? I just saw it, and mannnn, I'm even more nervous now. Of course my priority is the Quran, but I'm not taking easy on other stuff as well. But at the same time, she is just a kid, so I let her play all she wants. And TV, because she learned a lot from that as well.

As for Aisha, this week I'm migrating from flashcard to Al Barqy. Make lots of doa for me in this Ramadhan ya, friends.

Have a blessed Ramadhan everyone! May we all be given the strength by the Almighty to be more istiqamah in educating our amanah. ♥

P/S: Kaps and I will be going to Power Parenting 30th July later, see you there lovelies!

Sunday, May 29, 2016

Hello Jobs!

My Note 2 suddenly went kaput :(

That one fine morning, I woke up, recited Quran using my Note 2 and after I was done, the phone became really really hot at the screen near the speaker area. I turned off to let it cool down, then I did not manage to turn it on again.

Motherboard gone, after nearly 4 years. Not bad at all.

At the second year, after OS update, it went crazy until I reformat, which made me swore to not using Android anymore.

At the third year, I lived with that annoying crack screen which affected my front camera, no more selfie.

Before it went kaput, it did not give me any problem at all. So, I contemplated to stay with Samsung or to change.

But, I always believe, the signs are given to me in many ways. My phone went kaput 3 days before iphone SE was released in Malaysia. What better signs do I need. I've always wanted an iphone, but chose Note 2 because of the Stylus previously. I'm done with Stylus.

So, on the 13th May, say hello to my new phone, after queuing up early in the morning at Machines, I got one in my favourite colour, rose gold. Then, I saw SE in Gold, I think it looks nicer (T_T)




Monday, May 23, 2016

Siblings love

I have always wanted a sister back then.

Somebody I can talk to, share stuff with, trust wholeheartedly.

I have two brothers instead; one 5 years younger, the other 7 years younger. Age gap, too far apart.

When I was blessed with two little girls, 3 years age different, I have always envied what they have.

An older sister whom always aware that whatever she does will be mimicked back, so she needs to behave.

A younger sister who looks upon so highly of the older sister that her second word she pronounced after "Bu" was "Kak". Always need to catch up with her older sister, so she needs to behave as well.

Recently, I have witnessed the dark sides of having a sister. And trying very hard to get the playback out of my system.

But, in every big event occurring in my life, it comes with a bigger lesson in it.

Siblings love.

That is what I need to teach my daughters from now on. That is my amanah.

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah.