Linger

If you, if you could return,

don't let it burn, don't let it fade.
I'm sure I'm not being rude, but it's just your attitude,

It's tearing me apart, It's ruining everything.

I swore, I swore I would be true,

and honey, so did you.

So why were you holding her hand?

Is that the way we stand?

Were you lying all the time?

Was it just a game to you?

.

But I'm in so deep.

You know I'm such a fool for you.

You got me wrapped around your finger

Do you have to let it linger?

I thought the world of you.

I thought nothing could go wrong,

But I was wrong. I was wrong.

.

If you, if you could get by,

trying not to lie,

Things wouldn't be so confused and I wouldn't feel so used,

But you always really knew..

I JUST WANNA BE WITH YOU..

Are u in love or are u in love with the memories?

People change. It's a fact.

I used to love 911 (the boyband) a lot. My fav song is 'The day we find love'.

Then as I got older, i didn't listen to boybands anymore. Boybands were so childish. The song were so jiwang. And I started to listen to Hip Hop. I was all obsessed about Eminem.

After a while, he got overrated. So, I started to fall in love with rock band like Greenday and Smashing Pumpkins. Then the music industry evolved again. Now it is more to disco or club music that i can't bear to listen to. So i stayed with 90's music which i found more pleasing to my ears.

People change.

Although i don't listen to current boyband's songs anymore, at times i still tune in some songs from 911 or boyzone although to be honest i don't really like the music anymore.

But why?

I guess somehow the memories of that song were so strong that it tricked ur mind to like it. u don't like that song, u just love the memory it reminded u.

Sometimes i wonder, am i in love. I am a big girl now. I look forward for different things, u know? Cute look of the boyband's lead singer doesn't seem to be appealing anymore. Alter-ego of a person doesn't seem to impress me anymore.

I want something deep like 'Viva La Vida'. Good music, excellent lyrics, deeper.. way deeper than it seems. But it seems like i can't let go of the past. It feels like the boyband is a part of me somehow. All the memories i had, so I wonder do i still like their music or do i just like the memories of their music.

I want different things. But the memories still linger and I got confused more than ever.

And the worst thing is.. it's not about music at all :( If it is, i could just play my greenday album and listen to it till i'm tired of it, which i'm sure i never will...

What are you complaining for?

I've had a friend who's been complaining about how complicated her love life is. But just when she found someone nice, she thought he was dull and left him for another bad boy to make her life even more complicated. And too many times before, when lepaking with my friends that I heard, "OMG! this noodle is too salty!!!!" And kept complaining but kept eating at the same time.

How ironic that is? But come on, I often do that myself. In an evening like this, I would be yelling out loud to my officemates, "Kak, laparnyeeee.." and kept complaining. But didn't even bother to buy food downstairs. Why? The answer is simple..

L.A.Z.Y

Lazy to turn something small to something big for us. And the laziness caused us to completely ignore everything. To tolerate. Ignoring the fact that I'm hungry. Tolerating the fact that she can never be satisfied with any guy she ended up with. Or even worse, convincing oneself that, "i'm not going to die by eating the salty noodles."

But one thing I'm glad that I choose to ignore my laziness is by doing the police report regarding Mr. Psycho.

My life has never been better after that. No more jumping out at the sound of my message tone. No need to change my hp number. And life is back to normal; only more blissful when I started to sit back and appreciate life.

See sometimes, u just have to do one tiny little thing, REACT. Who knows by complaining to the waitress that ur food is too salty, she'll do better cooking next time and in a realllllyyyy long run, she'll get more customers coming in.

I just think if you start to tolerate the thing that u think is small, then eventually u'll adapt urself to tolerate to something bigger. If u don't bother to do anything about it, u shouldn't bother be complaining either. I'm not intending to tolerate on people messing up with other people's privacy, or relationship. So by doing the police report, I'm telling myself that I really can't take people messing up with me. And I won't tolerate this kind of thing in the future.

There goes. I'm proud of myself because the report is more than just a paper. :)

The man who sold newspaper

I found one reason to love my neighborhood this morning.. finally.

There is only ONE way to go out from my housing area to the highway. And by the road, there is an old chinese man who sells some Chinese newspapers, and each morning, many cars stopped by the road to buy the newspaper since half of the population in my residential is Chinese.

Every single time I passed by that road, I will feel annoyed. With some selfish cars double parking by the road or braking up all of a sudden to get their newspaper without giving any signals. Since I was always annoyed, I never realized this old Chinese guy, sitting down, waving at the car that passed by with a really sweet smile. When I finally realized that, I couldn't care less for I thought he was attracting me to buy his Chinese newspaper, while obviously, my skin tone didn't reflect any of my Chinese look (if i happen to inherit that from any of my ancestors).

Only lately that I realized, he was doing it very sincerely. His smile is so genuine. But not until today that I started to appreciate the beauty of that little stall by the road. It was raining heavily this morning, that only a couple of cars stopped by. So, I can see that old man clearly.

He was wearing his yellow raincoat, with umbrealla, stepping outside the big umbrella that covered his stall, and waving at my car with the sweetest smile that I can think of right now.

That's the only reason that makes me feel, "well, this place is not that bad after all." And ONE reason is all i need. :)

I love my work

I am so tired. both physically and mentally. My life has been everything but ordinary since last Friday.

Last Friday.. Well, have u ever had one of those days, where u dressed up so prettily, had ur hair done really nicely and put some make ups on, put ur best heels, purse and accessories, but still feel like u're walking in a very cheap cloth without having ur bath for days. That was me last Friday.

On weekend, I had bday lunch with my best friends and wearing my new turtlenock top and my best Levi's jeans and my 2-inch heels with my Guess handbag and we had so much fun. But when they were gone, it felt hollow really deep inside.

Monday and Tuesday, i went to PD for 'seliday'.. the term i used to describe it.. seminar and holiday. Despite of too many things I had to think at that particular moment, there was one thing that bothered me, the fact that i was so much bothered by nothing but this one particular female dog.. or in another word, some ppl called it a b.. owh, come on u can figure that out.

But on the way to work yesterday, I passed by this one particular road inside my university. A long straight road, where u could see horses running along the road (seriously, my university has the stable), some colourful birds flying near my car and some squirrels near the road, I realized that the world didn't stop for my grieves.

And when I started to do my programming, I smiled sweetly deep inside. This is my home. Though I was wearing the worst baju kurung to suit my mood that morning, I felt beautiful deep inside. Beautiful and intelligent. Eventhough I might be wearing cheap cloth that day, I did not ever felt cheap myself. Worse come to the worse, at least I have the brain. Thank you Allah. :)

My first year working anniversary

Today is my first year anniversary working as RA in this university. Gosh, I feel old. I remembered, last year, at this exact moment, my first day was a chaos. I havent finished my Bachelor Degree yet at that time. Still one more important final paper in 2 days time and final year project needed to be done. I have got my own room though, that I was so proud of since it wrote there..



Well, anyways, my first week did not go well. I have no friends, no one to have lunch with, no one to talk to and was so depressed with my fyp since i did not get any result by then. And when i finally found a lab full of girls, I felt so out of place. I mean, owh well.. they're so.. urm baik, and i am so.. urm ordinary?

But it took me only 2 days to not feel awkward with them. I felt so blessed to have met such wonderful human beings; as if i was entering a whole new world. People come and go over the year. And yesterday was Darling Dida's last day after getting a nice offer in an Oil n Gas company, now in thesis writing mode and waiting for Viva. I'll be with her in a while.
But as for now, I am at peace here. Thank you dearest colleague, for the helps and the good times all along. I appreciate. This piece is for you, with love..

Work hard, play even harder :)

Have u ever? Dedicated BFF Maria

Have u ever had someone so close to u, staying just a few blocks away, but hardly met that someone?

..

And that u used to tell her every single little things happening in ur life, but just hardly find time to do that anymore, though u r just a call away, or a few blocks away?

..

And that u watched each other grew up together, year after year, realizing, part of u is that someone and part of that someone is you tho u haven't spend much time together over the years?

..

And that u spent hours talking to ur current closest friend when u have a problem just so u feel better, but 5 mins with this precious someone, it's as though all ur worries went away?

And when this one fine day, u have found time to do the cathcing-ups, u thought, "there's so much i need to tell over the months we have lost." But then, it feels as if u haven't missed telling that someone anything at all. It's like that someone was with u all along?

..

Well, I have. And it feels wonderful. :)