It is still a sad thing..

Was browsing through Facebook, and randomly watched a video that makes me cry.. so badly, never in my life I cried this bad watching a video/movie before.

I cried again the next day.

And the following day.

And cried today just as I typed this.

It's about a social study done in NY, where a man asked for a slice of Pizza from strangers for hours; none gave him. Until a homeless guy shared his with him.

I shared the video and thought of putting "the saddest video I've ever watched" as the caption in Facebook, but I bet some absent minded followers (followers, not friends because my friends would never do this) would comment things like, "Palestinians died everyday, that's the saddest thing".

Of course it's sad. Those things. I've never watched the video or picture because it's too hard to bear. But that doesn't make this video any less sad.

Click here to redirect to the video

"Why did you cry?" Love asked, slightly puzzled with my overreaction.

It's because all reasons. How could you still eat your Pizza knowing a hungry stranger asked you for a slice of yours; just a slice of yours, God knows how many days he hasn't been eating. And the fact that a homeless guy of all people would share his. And the homeless guy cried in the end. I can't even..

"It's happening all around us, Sayang," Love tried to console me. Accurately, Love thought he was consoling me.

I mean, when? When is this a normal thing. Last time I checked, my friends were all normal people, not even twice they think of sparing some cash for some strangers that came over our lunch table every now and then. I can forgive people not sparing cash, but food? Come on, you treat cats and dogs better than this.

"You're blessed to be surrounded by beautiful people then. Either that or you choose to block those things that you don't intend to see around you," He thought he was consoling me again.

I have to agree. Beautiful people, yes. And blocking things I dislike are also what I did best. Ignorance.. is still a pure bliss for me, sorry. Hence, I don't mind you calling me ignorant. I am. That's where I found peace in this nonsense world.

"Let me tell you a story.." He began. Of a story how back then when we finished SPM, he dropped by to Strudels and spent all his cash to buy a cake for me. I mean, ALL his cash. Only to realize, he didn't have any to spare for his parking ticket. For his one ringgit parking ticket that now became the obstacle for him to see me. He just wanted to get out of the parking. Numb. The value of one ringgit at that time meant more than the RM100 he spent to buy me the cake.

"Umm.. which part of your story meant to console me again?" I asked, puzzled. Though I kind of get what he meant. The value of RM5 to us compared to a homeless person like in the video. Encouraging me to give more.

"Let me tell you another story.." He began again. On a story of how he asked our little girl on what would she do if there's a hungry stranger came to her. "Do you know what Khaira said? Nothing I did to influence her on her answer. This came from her herself."

"What?" I asked.

He called Khaira and the reply of a small child, totally innocent and obviously has more common sense than the adults in the video..

"I would feed her!" She replied in all excitement.

That makes my day. And I should just stopped crying. But I didn't.

My daughter said the darndest things

I'm having a hard time coping up with funny stuff Khaira said. Hence the compilation..

Nov 3rd, 2014

Lil girl had a haircut yesterday. Upon seeing her hair fell on the floor, she asked, "Rambut siapa tu, Bu?"
Dumbfoundedly, I replied, "Ehh.. that's your hair Khaira."
The following question from her dumbfound me even further, "Kenapa rambut Khaira colour black? Kan rambut Khaira colour yellow?"
(T_T) Seriously? Budget mat saleh sangat.

July 20th, 2014

"Ibu, harini kita pergi tengok kerbau dengan budak sembu nak?"

July 9th, 2014

You know that time when kid had a little monologue all by themselves before they went to sleep. I heard K's last night. It went something like this..
"Kita tak perlu takut. Kita serahkan semua pada Allah. Kita serahkan semua pada 'iman'".
I believe it was from one of the ceramah Ramadhan she heard with mom. Baru nak rasa sejuk hati when the next sentence came out from her mouth.
"Kita serahkan pada pak long @mdshazali, pada mama long @izrinirina "
Then I realized the 'iman' she was referring to was actually her cousin Imaan Iris.
She didn't get it at all, did she?

May 16th, 2014

"Ibu, kejap lagi Keong (her imaginary friend, God knows why she named him Keong) nak datang. Ibu salam Keong tau!" Apekah?? (T_T)

Months after, we figured out Keong is actually "clown". She mispronounced it.

April 12th, 2014

Third week of successful potty training when all of a sudden Khaira peed all over her pants last night. When being asked why, she calmly responded, "Bukannya selalu". Sigh..

January 30th, 2014

What she learned from grandmom today, "Kalau muwap, tak tutup mulut, nanti santan masuk".

December 25th, 2013

The following conversation took part before we fell asleep last night. 
Khaira: Ibu, nak coklet.
Me: Coklet dah habis lah Khaira. Esok ibu beli ok.
Khaira: Takpe.. esok Khaira cari duit Khaira beli ok.
Sad or what? (T_T)

October 21st, 2013

Khaira said semalam as we went out of the house, "Look! Rumah kari?"
Kapal Shaharil and I: "apa tu?"
"Rumah hati!!" She repeated while pointing but we still couldn't make sense of what she was referring to.
Getting frustrated and almost cried, she finally translated, "sun!!" 
Rumah hati.. matahari.. ok lah.. dekat lah tu. Oh my bm!

Being considerate

Yesterday was a super tiring day.

I started working right after Deepavali. Class started full force yesterday.

2 hours lecture. First time in theatre. And being an annoying lecturer as always, I love walking around the class.

Only this time.. need to climb stairs. Using my 2 inches heels. (T_T)

Came home to find Aisha was cranky the whole day due to her 3 months vaccination. Still cranky when I got home, I couldn't do anything else except calming her down since mom was super tired already.

On top of it, Khaira demanded my attention and I couldn't take the stress. Scolded her a bit. Deep inside, I thought, "Can't  you just be a lil bit considerate Khaira? Had a tiring day today."

After both of them calmed down, I had a chat with mom. And she said Khaira had been pretty much abandoned the whole day cuz mom was so occupied with Aisha.

Poor baby..

I hugged Khaira and realized I was the one whom being inconsiderate to her. I'm sorry, Darling..

28th September 2014

That night of 27th September was a fun night. We celebrated dad's birthday, 'tapau'ing Nando's and had a wonderful time. Thought of sleeping over at parents' crib, but later decided to go home.

At that time, Aisha still in the process of learning about day and night. So when my phone kept on beeping at 2am, I finally checked my phone while nursing.

See, my grandfather had been sick for almost a year plus already. Since then, we went to visit both my grandparents almost every week. I am so close to my grandmom since she was the one who took care of me back when mom was working.

While I was in confinement and was not able to visit him for weeks.. his sickness worsen. Although it sounds ridiculous, secretly I was hoping that I had that chance to meet him after confinement.. at least once.

Right after my confinement, a week before 28th September, we came and he was asleep.. the whole time. I put some cash in his hand and bought him some diapers and kissed him before I went back.

Back to my phone story, I rarely checked them esp at night.. but that night I did check the WhatsApp group. Uncle sent a video of my grandfather.. "macam nazak," was what going on in my mind. But I pushed that silly thought away.

I asked dad if I should come. I really think I should.

Dad said wait until morning since it was at 3am and we have a newborn there.

Being obedient as always, I tried to get some sleep. Just fell asleep when I dreamt of my grandfather passing and I woke up with the phone ringing.

Love answered.

And the next sentence that came out of his mouth was, "Innalillah.."

Only God knows how shattered my heart, my world, my days are filled with us calming and soothing each other ever since.

It has been a harsh harsh year for us.

Al fatihah to my Datuk. And may Allah swt grants the strength to Mak (my grandmom).

My heart breaks reading fb status of both my brothers..

My 29th birthday

The eve of my birthday, I was in my late uncle's house. It has been a year since he left us. The pain has lessen a bit for me.. Time does heal everything.

Love was not there with me. He was enjoying WWE live with fil. He came back just before midnight to wish Happy Birthday to me.

My birthday fell on Sunday. So we had lunch at in law's, tea at grandmom's and dinner at my parent's where people made fun of the fact that I'm turning 3 series next year.

Brother was so sweet to buy me cake.. with 3 candles; making fun of my age. Pfftttt.. Nonetheless, the fact that I spent my birthday with my loved ones means a lot to me.

Wrapped up the day watching "The fault in our stars" with Love. Stopped a couple of times with Aisha's cry which I seriously don't mind at all. I do mind that the story sucks. Don't bother watching it!

The next day, Love took a leave and we spent such precious time just the two of us.

Started with my birthday gift; Thomas Sabo!! So pretty still can't stop staring at it!

And lunch at Tony Roma's. Yup.. I'm that typical. Again with Caesar Salad my fav dish.

And ended it with lasertag!! Just the two of us in that whole arena. No.. not romantic.. it was spooky, don't do that. Still, it was super fun!

There goes.. I'm another year wiser.

I love you a lot, Sayang. Thank you.. I had so much fun.. So much..

The PAO method

The best thing about maternity leave is that you got to watch a lot of tvs. While nursing, while both of them were sleeping. Fun fun fun!

I kind of have these sick obsession with aliens and serial killers, so while scrolling over 551 onwards, disappointed not to find Anicent Aliens on air, I stopped at Discovery channel. A program called 'Redesign my brain'.

This story is about a tv personality that undergoes a brain training and I somehow interested with one simple memorization technique called PAO method for you to ease up your memorization technique. PAO stands for Person Action Object. Previously, I shared the memorization techniques I learned from Puan Lina's short course, read here. Perhaps this can be the addendum.

It is very simple actually.

Let's say I give you a card; Ace of Spades. How to remember it with PAO method is like this..

Firstly, look at the initial. A for Ace and S for Spades.

Think of a person with that initial.. For example Adam Sandler.

One of the movie he acted in is Happy Gilmore where he was a golfer there.

So the action is playing.

And the object is golf ball.

It sticks in your mind easier when you visualize. So with the PAO method, it helps your brain to visualize.

Simple sharing. But I hope it helps.

My role model

About 2 years ago, a friend invited me to a talk via email. Funny story though, she pasted the link wrongly. So I registered myself to a different talk instead.

I took it as a way Allah swt wanted to introduce  me to a wonderful lady, Puan Lina Karim and later on she became my role model.

See, I wasn't the most 'fun' person to be with. I hate roller coaster, twister or any kind of that 'fun'. I can't even look at my nieces and nephews playing around together. Macam nak kena heart attack. So lasak. I just can't.

And ohh myyy.. Who would have thought my daughter was born super handful. Mom would shout hysterically every now and then. Me? When it's her hyper time I would just call Love and said, "I can't handle this" and walk away. It was too scary to watch. And it was obviously too annoying for both Love and K.

Then, I came across Puan Lina's blogpost that seriously make me feel a lottt calmer and better. Read all about it here.

About the 3 types of mom you could be when your children get handful.

I am obviously Mom no. 2. I want to be Mom no. 3.

It takes a lot of effort. Pray for me. In shaa Allah. Ameen. The only way is forward.

To Puan Lina Karim.. thank you for all the inspiring talks and posts. And making me feel that someone so ordinary like me can produce extra ordinary generations. May Allah swt bless you and your family always.