Wednesday, July 27, 2016

How He reminds me: My aftermath umrah story

Right after I arrived in Malaysia from Makkah, I missed the holy land so badly, I cried sometimes so horribly I almost couldn't breathe one time.

Then a month after, I received somewhat like an offer as a postdoc in a university in Jeddah, an hour away from Makkah, in an exact field I'm majoring right now, with triple the pay than what I received in my current university.

Was I excited? Not a word could describe it, and my supportive husband willing to let go his current job.

But, looking at my parents, I didn't have the heart. I came from a very conservative family in that sense, my mom never left us anywhere overnight. When I stayed in uni, my parents called me every night, seriously I promise, every night. And none of us have ever been away to boarding school or anything.

I couldn't imagine them being away from my girls.

Then, my husband got promoted and that was it. I knew I had to let it go, although husband insisted. He is at the peak of his career, and after all the provider of the family, thinking of prioritizing mine over him just kills me inside.

"Let's go again end of this year!" Love suggested, without the kids this time around.

Not now. Not when Aisha is still cranky having to sleep without me. Recently, I had to work outstation and she slept at 2am after crying inconsolably, poor mom.

Where my heart belongs :)

When I missed Makkah, I looked at the images in Google Map. The drone and 360 images help a lot.

A couple of days ago, I received a message.

An invitation.

To that particular university, may I remind you just an hour away from Masjidil Haraam.

On October, right after Hajj where you can only enter Makkah by invitation during that time. Imagine how empty Masjidil Haraam would be, not empty but you know what I mean..

Anddddd... the best part, I would be given business visa + umrah.

"Can I bring my spouse?" Was my first question. No need to think, this is Almighty's invitation ro me.

"No, because this is by invitation," was the reply I got. Sure would shatter by hub's heart, but I still want to go.

"How about my mahram, then?" I asked. "For umrah, how about my mahram?"

Anddddd... stuck. Now, I'm stuck with the mahram issue. Make lots of doa if this is meant for me, Allah swt would make everything easy for me.

Even if it's not meant for me this time around, He constantly reminds me of Makkah, masha Allah terharunya. *cries*

Monday, July 18, 2016

The kids' supporter

Now that Khaira all grown up, she made friends easily. Especially during Raya; mostly she could really click, but not always.

Aisha, well she would be minding her own business most of the time. That includes running and jumping non-stop, Mashaa Allah. I just kept on telling myself that sweating is good for her immune system, or else I'd go crazy.

As for Khaira, she lovesss to bring her toys everywhere. When I said toys; read: stones that she picked up outside my grandmother's house mcm tak pernah jumpa batu, extra straws she requested from kakak jual air kelapa mcm I tak belikan dia actual toys or even.. "kemuncup" (T_T) Her favourite somehow.

Ironically, these things are the ones that caused arguments between the kids her age. These kids also want that exact stone/straw/kemuncup, I couldn't even brain guys.

Back at my kampung in Bukit Melawati, Kuala Selangor.

Previously, I asked her to share.

Then, my mom said something that impacted me greatly. I rarely share stuff with anybody in my life. Had my own toys, own room, my own car, my own everything.

And here, I'm asking my girls to share.

My mom's reasoning is simple: so that each of us have a sense of belonging and to know that "NO" is a perfectly legitimate answer.

So, I tried to balance things out, but I don't quite sure how to do it. I guess when Khaira was playing with that something and other kids took that thing from her, I'd just observe for Khaira to fight for her stuff back so it won't get worse.. Else, I'd just ask her to lend it to her friends.

As of now, it works fine for me so I'm just gonna stick with the rules.

Plus I read something recently and realizing that, made me somehow a lot calmer.

Also worth sharing that, Maznah from shared something with me recently that I thought worth sharing with all of us, mommies..

"Namun bahan penebat non material paling MAHAL, UTAMA dan PERCUMA, ialah diri Mak ayah sndiri. Kita adalah penebat emosi terbaik utk anak-anak rasa selesa ;) Maka, jadilah diri kita sendiri, seperti mahunya Allah untuk kita jadi Ibubapa Yang Baik, bukan Mahunya Masyarakat yang sesekali jumpa.  Bersederhana. (anak jumpa kita setiap hari, kita adalah sokongan dia. Untuk kita, Allah 365-24-7-60 dengan kita,  Allah bantu kita atau penebat kita)."

Have a wonderful Raya entertaining your little ones, your amanah everyone! :)

Monday, July 11, 2016

A wise man on a raya night

My Raya morning started off gloomy.

Then, I realized.. Alhamdulillah.. both my girls are healthy, so do my hubs and both our families. I am grateful for everything.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitry everyone. May Allah SWT accept our fast, prayers and all our ibadah. Please do forgive me for all my wrong doings, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

This year was my first to spend my first raya at my parents'. Normally would be in in-laws' (Ampang) the whole raya week since most of my aunts and uncles would be away, so I would just stay near late Grandmom's place at Kg Pandan just in case.

Also, this year was my first sleep over at Kuala Selangor, my other late Grandmom's house since I basically have nobody to take care of in Kg Pandan anymore.

Wouldn't it just last year you called me up, Mak, when I was in Kuala Selangor, asking if I would come back for the night, a reassurance that we will always be there for you?

Ahhh.. where do I in turn get the reassurance this year.. I miss you Mak.

Sad stories aside, I met a wonderful man that Raya night. One worth sharing with my readers.

13 years ago, an MD of Perodua made friend with my husband whom was working at O'Briens Cafe after SPM. He obviously did not have to, but being humble as he sincerely is, he did anyway (I'm far from MD, I wonder if I ever make friends with a waiter who serves me). And they remained very good friend ever since.

Well, he's retired now, after being a COO at Naza Kia. And he lives our dream life definitely. Now he rents an apartment in Tokyo; his most favorite city and would be back and forth from KL to Tokyo. You can tell that he's having one wonderful family around him. A very humble house and cars. A dream life, simply to put it.

Sometimes, when Love and I were so hectic with our work to earn a decent income for our family, we seldom asked ourselves, when will this stop? Both of us always try our best to be the best in everything, we have achieved so much so young but with one downside of course, we always need more time with the girls, with each other.

I mean, we saw one Datuk at 50 still needs to work to sustain his lifestyle, when will this end? Bigger income, but bigger house, bigger cars, and endless work like this still?

"One day, I gave an Omega watch to every employee I have in Perodua," the man in the picture with Love told us that night. "Everybody was happy.."

Of course, they should.

"Until they found out I gave one person a Rolex," this man answered our question so wisely as he already is.

We smiled. Such a strong analogy, this one :)

Dream family, dream life. Soon, inshaa Allah.

May Allah SWT grants us happiness always with whatever that we already have. May we have a humble life in shaa Allah.