Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Letting go..

Hye guys.. Pardon me as I disappeared for the longest time.

I submitted my thesis on the last day of submission, Alhamdulillah.

The moment I was struggling with 3 more chapters for correction on that last day, I received a phone call from Love saying that Nenek was really sick and that he would try to finish whatever left of his work and rushed to Gleneages straight away.

My whole body numbed. Was unable to think. Was not allowed to leave until I submitted the thesis. Read every line at least twice to digest. Friends were all around me, silence fell for the first time, pushing me to focus.

Due to my conditions at that moment; I just got into an accident three days before. Lack of sleep the night before. Red decided to send me to the hospital. Traffic was clear. And Nenek was fine. Still managed to have a decent conversation with me despite of her kidney, liver and lungs were already failing. Even the doctor was amazed with the state of her brain at that moment.

That night, Love slept over at the hospital.. only later to find out it was his last night with Nenek.

Friday morning, after submitting whatever leftovers of my pending work to my HR and TNB, Love and I decided that I should stay, settled whatever we should for the house so we would have dedicated time with Nenek over the weekends. At 12.30 noon, Love called me up with a voice that sends a shiver down my spine, "Come Now!"

Took a deep breath, started packing and SIL called me up. Crying. I didn't expect her following words, "Nenek dah takde." Innalillah.

Lost for words.

For me, she's not just a Nenek whom I know through my marriage with Love. She's the one who welcomes me the most in the family. She's the one who inspires me in life. She's the one who always says the right thing at the right time to make me feel better.

I am still gathering all my strength to stand tall again. To make her proud.

Honestly, it's not easy. But at least I have my last moment with her. At least she passed away so peacefully, so easily, on a very beautiful day, Penghulu segala hari.

Al Fatihah to Nenek.

Nenek, you will forever be missed. May you be with Datuk, the ones you constantly talked about during your life. I love you, always.

"I suppose in the end, the whole of life becomes an act of letting go.." - Pi Patel, Life of Pi.

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