I came across this article online: Science says parents of successful kids have these 13 things in common
I somehow found this very interesting as it is not generalizing as what most parenting articles did. So, I thought of sharing point number 1, 8, 9, 10, 12 and 13.
1. They make their kids do chores.
8. They're less stressed.
9. They value effort over avoiding failure.
10. The moms work.
12: They are 'authoritative' rather than 'authoritarian' or 'permissive.'
13: They teach 'grit.'
Actually, they are all inter related, I must say. Well, at least for me.
Here was my cycle back in Khaira's early days.
I am, as you know a working mom (Point 10). I did everything for my little girl, including literally feed her, put her clothes on, cleaning up her toys (Point 1). What did I become? A little bit stressed at the end of the day (Point 8). The reason I did that was because I didn't like the mess. The mess from her food when she ate by herself and her toys were not organized as what I wanted it to be (Point 9). And I became too tired to scold her (Point 12), so what did I achieve? A short term goal everytime (Point 13).
There I summed it all.
But it wasn't long until I have that wake up call.
Once we sent her to kindy at 3y2m, I learned my lesson the hardest way. She refused to eat on her own, didn't know how to clean herself after peeing, to conclude: she hated kindy, I hated sending her to kindy. Such evil cycle.
So, I slowly changed. And hoping to change further. Kaizen, continuous improvement,
I am still, as you know a working mom (Point 10). Hopefully, I will forever make full use of the short time I have with my daughters at the end of the day.
Now, I let my girls be independent. I let Aisha wore her own clothes now, fed herself most of the time, put her toys back in the box. (Point 1). I observed by doing so, the girls have better psychomotor skills.
The mess? Yeah, it is still causing me stress at times especially when PMS. I am still looking for ways to overcome this. (Point 8).
But perhaps (Point 9) could be my motivation. Valuing effort over failure, I must reallllllyyyyy try that. This morning I read a friend's sharing in Facebook which really hits me. She asked her 5yo son to clean the floor. The result? Very messy with water everywhere. If it was me, sudahku jadi singa betina. But, she acknowledged the effort, taught her son the right way to do it and gave him the same chores the next week and the following week and the following until her son became an expert in cleaning the floor. I must think of the 'grit'; the long term value (Point 13). Bersenang-senang kemudian.
To make her better, I guess, I must be more authoritative; in a good way. (Point 12) By understanding them, and direct them in a way they can listen. Must have Point 7 then: develop a relationship with their kids.
So many things to learn.
By the way, Point number 3 is that "They have high expectations." Guess it reminded me of who?
Yeah, both my parents. I have said so many times before not to be like that.
Now, I am considering.